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Sep. 20th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Wow...tonight was really fucking amazing...

So Benji picked me up around 6:30, and we went to go get bread and went down to Beacon Hill park...We made origami boats and filled them up with bread and watched the ducks fight over it...They didn't enjoy it as much as we thought they would...But it was still fun! After, we picked up Noodle Box, and went to the Inner Harbor with it. We ate on a quiet dock, away from people, and just talked and laughed. Then after that we went to walk to the Breakwater (lighhouse), and we sat there for awhile and made fun of things. It is so amazing to be with a guy who gets my jokes. And who is incredibly funny himself! We cuddled...and kissed! Haahahahaha! I couldn't stop giggling tho when we kissed because of all the butterflies in my stomache! Poor guy mustve thought I was laughing at him...Totally wasnt tho! Then we walked along  the bottom of the breakwater on these big blocks and saw cockroaches! So disgusting!!!! Hmmm, then we went to sit on a long along the beach and kissed and talked some more.
It was amazing! He's pretty amazing! I had such a fun time, and I am sure there will be more fun times ahead ;)

So theres my romantic update! You guys seeing anyone amazing lately?
 

Sep. 17th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Yesterday I took the day  off of work because my ribs were starting to hurt and I was coughing again. So I travelled to the hospital where I got x rays of my ribs. The x rays were amazing! I got to see them show up on screen and see my heart and lungs and it was gross and awesome!
I also went out with Benji later on. It was good to get some fresh air. He is amazing! We went to feed ducks and one bit me and I kicked it and we laughed.

Then later share organics came, and I put all the food away, and Helene came over! We had slurpees, chocolate, and watched Sex and the City....Woooh! Then I stayed up late talking to Benji, and figuring out how to make a fucking paper boat and then I went to  bed.
Now I have to go to work because I am late. Instead of running to make it on time, I have decided to sit here on my ass. And I haven't packed a lunch yet.
Shit.
 

Sep. 16th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Hahahahaha! Wow. Someone went into Zola's (the girl who Paul was seeing behind my back) blogspot and left a really nasty comment. I didn't think there was someone out there who disliked her more than me. But there is. And she thinks it is me, because she wrote something after that, that was directed at me! Hahahahahah! But unfortunetly it wasn't, I was at work at that time...Wonder who it was?
Oh well...Like I said, Karma's a bitch.

Sep. 15th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Hahahah my schedual is looking pretty full! I love it!

I think dumping you is the best thing that has ever happened. I learned lots. Like how I used to be so independent. I have regained that side of  me, and I couldn't be any happier!
So on Friday Emily and I went out to Swans for dinner! That was great, it was nice and sunny :) I wish I had enough money so I could go out with the girls every Friday night...
Then Saturday night Cameron and I hung out, had a few drinks and had a photoshoot! He then persuaded me to go to a nighclub with Meridith and him, and we danced, and it was fun. I wish I could of taken the playlist home with me :)
Sunday I went to a farmers market type thing, where all the food is organic. They had a cornroast mmmmm...I went with Emily.
Today I have to do laundry asap when I get home, because I didn't do it last night....Aheh...
Tuesday I hang out with Helene, which is customary.
Wednesday I may have double booked myself...I'll find out at work. Either I have a pass to the opening of an IMAX show with a few friends, or I am making dinner or Aaron...One or the other...
Thursday I finally have all to myself!
Friday is the date with Benji, which I am pretty excited for! We are just grabbing a coffee and walking around downtown.
And now Saturday I have a date with Paul (a new one, not my ex, hahaha). He seems really nice and quite funny. He is taking me out to dinner :)

Well, thats what my week looks like so far! Wooooh!
 

Sep. 13th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Wooh! Photoshoots!

shorthair1

(no subject)

Woah! It's been awhile since I've been on here!
Well, not much has been happening...Met a cute boy in the elevator and he seemed interested...But I met even a cuter boy! We have a date on Friday! We shall see how that goes...I have been talking to him on MSN and we have a lot in common... :) Anyways, I need to go buy jeans so...Byeeee!
 

Sep. 7th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

Fuck you for giving up on the relationship. Fuck you for solving it by seeing someone else behind my back. I hope you look back at it and regret your loss. I am one of the best things that happened to you. I hope one day, karma will kick in, and someone breaks your heart as much as you broke mine. You will only know how I feel if you experience it yourself. You cheated on me. Thats a shitty thing to have to get over.
Maybe one day you'll have to get over it too.

As for the fucking home wrecker? You will get yours. Your the "other girl" in all this. How could anyone with any morals try to get into a mans' pants when he has been in a relationship as long as he was in? You say shit like how you love Love, and you want people to be happy, but you go and do stupid shit, full well knowing what your doing. Fuck you. You think you've "won"? Won what? A liar and a cheater?! Congratulations.

Everyone is sick and tired of your guys' bullshit. You are silently being shunned by your friends. Thats what happens when you do stupid shit--people look at you differently, and lose respect for you.


Now that that is off my chest...The date on Saturday was great, but nothing clicked. He just talked about his car and the past a lot. He's a good friend, he's fun to hang around and get into trouble with, but that's all that relationship will ever be...I hung out with Josh today. We went to a few bookstores and Subway. Not much else has been happening lately. My weekends are pretty solid though. This Friday, Em and I are going to Swans to have a good time. Saturday will probably be spent with Cameron and Allison. Then Sunday is the Share Organics Opening of a new store. That should be fun! I think Em is coming with me...Thats all for  now!
 

 

Sep. 4th, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

So I am reading this book right now called "He's just not that into you", and it is pretty awsome. I have learned a bunch of things. Like there is never any point in waiting for a man. I can relate this to Paul. I was waiting for him to grow up, mature, and move out. But why wait? If he couldn't commit at that time, then I should of left him when I was thinking about it at first, and found someone who was already those things. Because ultimatley, if he didn't want to change for me, to make sure that he did move out with me, and actually did it, then really, he was just not that into me. He was looking for a short, immature, fun love. I was looking for a long-term, mature, fun love. Of course it was going to end.
He told me, after we broke up, that he didn't want to be with Zola as well. Which is funny, because she is waiting hand and foot on him. And if he ever changes his mind, becuase he doesn't know what he wants, then it wont work out, becuase it will be an immature fling! So this whole time, since January, while she was busy trying to get a man who was with another woman, she could of had someone eles. And really, do you want to be with a man who didn't like you enough to commit his whole self to you, instead of just his ashamed self, who could only ever give you scraps of his time? I wouldn't.
And also, did I really deserve to be with a man who wanted, in the end something different than me? Someone who is selfish, who wanted to eat his cake, and screw it too? Someone who thought it was better off lying than being honest and open? No. I didn't really like his parents, I disliked most of his friends (the ones who are as pretensious as fuck), and I didn't like his dishonesty. So, why do I get sad sometimes for leaving?
I am co-dependant. Over the last few years, from being in a relationship at every givin time for 4 years, I have become co-depenedant. And I hate this knowledge. Becuase I used to be so happy being independant and thinking I would be a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life. I liked that thought. I didn't have to consider anyones feelings, I didn't have to share space (hogging the queen bed), I didn't have to cook for anyone but me. But now I need those things. I need somone here. I crave it. I don't crave Paul, himself, I crave a supportive person who can be with me. It doesn't even have to be a boyfriend. Just a good girlfriend--someone who I can call up at the end of the day and go out and get drinks with. I need a single girlfriend.
I find myself thinking about this new boy a lot, and hoping everything will go well so I can be in another relationship. I think this is fine. But I want to make sure I just don't fall for any next thing that lands in front of me. This time, I want to make sure that I actually like all of him, and then I can continue from there.
How do you guys get over horrible ex'es, and continue on in another relationship? What have you  guys learned from your past relationships? Friends, or partners.

Sep. 3rd, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

This is taken from miss_forcible
Learn more about me?Collapse )

Aug. 31st, 2008

shorthair1

(no subject)

So I haven't been on for awhile.

I broke up with Paul. It was really hard to do, but in the end, the right descision. He liked that girl who liked him the whole time. We are still young (21), and I was his first girlfriend, so I understand he needs to see how other women are. But he was lying to my face, and seeing her behind my back, and I don't deserve to be mistreated. And who really wants to be with a liar anyways? He will just lie to her as well. And all his girlfriends until he can decide to be mature and grow up.
Maybe thats why we needed to break up as well? I have always been mature and independent (when needed), and maybe that scared him. I know what I want in my life. He doesn't. He has admitted to not knowing what he wants. Which is fine and I don't excpect that from a 21 yr old. But it would have been nice if when he said things like "I want to be with you forever becuase I love you", he actually meant it. He also said that he feels our relationship has wayned within the past month. But instead of telling me that when he felt that way, he just pretended it wasnt there and look how it turned out! I guess he doesn't yet understand that love ebbs and flows. It is like the tide and what you do about it is what matters. A couple should work at it if they really love eachother. I would be willing to work on it but he is too lazy.
I know it is for the best. He doesn't want to work things out. He lied to me on numerous occasions. He gives hope and takes it away. He needed to be babied. He was never happy with things I did, like I always needed to do more. He could never deal with emotions--and in relationships you need to deal with them.
I gave him my heart. I made sure he knew I loved him. I sacrificed. I met him in the middle. 
I don't want to come out of this having learned nothing. I don't want to cry about it. I want to let it go. I have learned that love can be an amazing emotion. I have learned that not everyone can commit. I have learned I need a man, not a boy.

And maybe apart of me doesn't necissarily miss him. I just miss the physical aspect. Mostly the cuddles, the kisses, the holding hands. Also the "I love you"s and the look in their eyes when they say that. So since I recognise that fact that I miss things more than I miss him, I will probably get over him quite quickley. I have been distant from for while since the last time I found he was lying about something. So I think since then I knew our relationship was changing. So I feel like I have been ready for this breakup for awhile.

So with that being said, I may have a date next week! I am excited to start meeting other people again! It will give me a chance to get over my social anxiety, AND I WILL! Because my social anxiety was brought on through situations through Paul, I can now let go and try and get over it. No, I will get over it. And I can grow and mature more, and meet more people, meet MEN. Men with no weird emotional issues. Men who can give me as much love as I give them.
Thanks for reading!



 

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